Thursday, February 26, 2015

Dear, Camden.

Dear Camden,

If all goes as planned, we are one week away from meeting you! For the last several months I have gotten to know you from your kicks, wiggles, the way you respond to music and laughter, and the way in which you are a night owl just like your mommy (used to be).

I know how much you like orange juice, and how you'll respond to my first sip of coffee in the morning. I know you enjoy the soothing feeling of a cat purring, right up against your little body. I know how stubborn you can be in ultrasounds and when others try to get you to perform for them, but I also know that you have the resiliency and strength of someone much older.

Of all of the things I have learned about you so far, my favorite thing has been feeling you learn, in secret. Our secret. I felt you the first time you started wriggling around. The first time you tried stretching your little legs and arms. The first time you began to react to the sound of my voice, and eventually the music and sounds around you. The first time I saw your face on a big TV screen, practicing moving your lips and eyes. The first time you kicked me so hard I thought my rib might fracture - it was simultaneously one of the most painful and beautiful moments of our time together, just the two of us. I remember the first time I saw you "practice breathing" and how happy that made the doctor. I am certain you must have felt my heart beating out of my chest with pride for you.

Camden, I am already so proud of what you have accomplished. While I might not miss the pain, anxieties, and troubles that went along with some of my pregnancy, I will cherish forever the little "getting to know you" moments that you and I have shared.

As I get ready to share you with the world, I want you to know that even though you won't be able to hear my heart from the inside anymore, even though you will no longer rest, blissfully unaware, in my womb; I will always keep you safe. I will always be as proud of your accomplishments, big or small, as I have been for the last 9 months.

I know you're going to be scared. There's a reason God designed it so that we don't remember our birth! I know you won't understand the procedures, the testing, why you had to come early until much later in life. What you will know, at the time of your birth and for the rest of your life, is how very much you are loved.


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